I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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