Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We are two peas in an std pod
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
