forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
