I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
