Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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