oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
