Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
