I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
