I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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