her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I currently don't understand fingers.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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