I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
