I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
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Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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