She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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