I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
