Can i not drive my cunt home
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize