I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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