im drinking this country out of the recession.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
