His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
