Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
