she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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