Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
