i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
