dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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