Pregnant stripper...not hot.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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