Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
