Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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