my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
