just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize