I didn't shave. On purpose
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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