my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
