Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
