I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
