you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
