I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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