at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
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