I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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