I'm going to rape someone's good day.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
