new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
