also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
