Im at strip club and am horny
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
