I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
