Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Life is so much better after having sex.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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