Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
