I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize