he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
