Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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