We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
