im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
