He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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