Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
