i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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