Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Shame is for Republicans.
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