Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
