his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
