she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
