i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
