i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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