Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
