she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
