Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
