She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
