you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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