1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
