My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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