I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
