I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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