Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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