So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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