So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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