what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You took a bar mat shot.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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