I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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