What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
