Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
