I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
