Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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