Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Sober January is a disaster.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
