hell yes lets make some ravioli
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The dick lei will go down in squad history
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
