He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
