I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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