"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
