Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
