i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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