That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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