you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
