ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
